Thats just me.

Things have always been hard,
I have been thinking too much,
But its just too much,
It is only matter of time before i breakdown,
But i couldnt... i cant,
Being strong is not a choice for me,
Especially when i have so much ppl who thinks they know me but ens up doesnt,
i've tried silence,
i've tried cheerful,
i've tried ignorance,
but what am i now?
More confused than ever?
Even that became a question now.
I didnt ask to be born with extra sensitivity,
i didnt ask to be fated with realistic ppl around me,
and i definitely didnt ask for a huge ego,
i did not blame god for his gift,
after all, i wasnt born in a broken family,
i still have friends who cares,
and i led a healthy life,
not to mention that lil intelligence that have gotten me through schools and college... Without too much difficulty.
I do not understand love, but i know i love my family.
I do not understand relationship, but i tend to be arrowed by these annoying flying baby angels.
Its not that i want to expect, but love and expectation seemed inseparable to me, and who am i to blame that its never the best of both world? God?
Nahhh, he has given me quite a lot.
No confusion, i love what i have, though i would like to have more, and i AM working towards it, but i do.not blame the upper powers for what i didnt have.
Why is it so painful then? I do not know myself.
How the hell i can forget everything yet kept the memory of a person reminded in mind every freaking day? I do not know.
I've told myself i doesnt care, i've told myself let it go, but i never could follow my own words, perhaps those are hypnosis, they may work... But for a while.

i did not want to be strong, i want someone to rely on too, but whoooo?
I too wish to be born like others, where they can just click those dumb dota games, sing a few song, drink a few shots and gets over things. But i am not. I am born with a mind, undisciplined, out of control.
I get jealous, i get insecure, and yes i realise those are qualities of the female race, but i didnt ask to have a mind like theirs. People say boys only get depressed on either money or girls, Me? Haha. Countless.

I am kenneth lee kern yen, i am who i am, i cant change who i am, but i can learn to live with it and improve.