It's 3am in the morning, consciousness began to slip away from my mind as comfortness rise to a climax. Pillows and blankets wrapped around like an embrace of a mother, but I just could not fall asleep. Bits of depression had kept my petite heart pounding in anger, and my mind raging with memories....
I could not help but think the ignorance I was treated with, the discrimination of which I call him brother. Hormones surged into my brain, keeping anger at its boiling point. The mind would not stop reminding itself of the horrors in the betrayal of a dear friend.
Has history repeated itself? Or am I began to turn moronic that I believed and throw myself into a trap I once fallen? Am I to naive to had thought he changed? Or is this just the way god is reminding me to face reality?
SHHHHHHHHHH!!! I shouted myself out of annoyance. Perhaps I have gone mad, gone completely mad with overdose of anger and a spoonful of "thinking too much" remedies, lethal combination indeed. It has always fascinated me how human indulge in pain subconciously by feeding depression, anger, and anxiety with more thoughts causing them to fall into deeper pain. But here I am forcing myself to think of the ignorance of a dear brother which killed a part of myself.
What did I do to deserve such coldness while he could be so interactive with the others? Was it me? Or it was never meant for our frequency to resonate at the same hertz? Perhaps that is why we belonged to most extremes of worlds.
Little did I realise it wasn't me but him, an epiphany which kicked in late.
"Friends are forever" has always been my motto, simply because I give in initiatives to keep friends beside. Some say friends come and go, perhaps they are just too shameful to face their inability to keep someone , EVEN ONE, long enough. Little did I realize it wasn't my fault he couldn't keep me as his lifetime friend, and maybe even more..... A real brother instead, it wasn't my fault he choose to be discriminative and ignorant, and it definitely isn't my fault he is too lazy to reply. And one thing is certain as well, it is not my loss if he losses a lifetime friendship, and a brother, he should now take responsibility of his choice of action. Was it my loss, if I stop investing time on crooks? Definitely not.
And I feel shame, and grieves for a person with lots of friends but has no life long friendships, a person with many people around him.... Which he had to impress. Also, someone with lots of karma to pay. What I could say?
Pathetic, just pathetic....
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